Life partners

Another fear is that I won t ever find another life partner, which is something that I really want. I don t live what one would consider a normal life. It isn t normal. It isn t easy—far from it. With the exception of developing a relationship with a woman who has MCS, my options really are limited. I spend a lot of time alone, and that isn t what I want to do. 

I must love and understand my life partner as we face life s challenges and grow together. 

If you are making your passage with a life partner, talk openly about transition problems so you can reinforce each other. 

Some individuals are happier in this phase than the prior one. These retirees don t like too much activity and when they start slowing down, they enter a comfort zone that provides more fulfillment, not less. Often one life partner reaches this stage ahead of the other. 

Some folks put off retirement because they fear their life partners will control their free hours. It will be Honey, do the dishes, Honey, do the windows, and Honey, take the dog to the vet. Normally these individuals need not worry because most partners don t want someone underfoot, monitoring their activities and invading their space. One woman expressed it well The only time you will... 

As you contemplate retirement, you are likely to be pulled between the attraction of work and the attraction of retiring. Each has positive features. At the same time, each may have some drawbacks. To help you assess the impact of retirement on your life, complete the following worksheet. (If appropriate, have your life partner complete it as well and then discuss each other s responses.)... 

Will early retirement be accepted with enthusiasm by your family (Will your life partner be pleased to have you around more of the time ) ... 

Are you willing to give a copy of this scale to a life partner or close friend and have him or her rate you so you can discuss answers ... 

If you find yourself out of a job and not fully prepared to retire, it might be wise to review these three options—talk them over at length with your life partner— and make a preliminary choice. In doing this, you may prefer a variation on one listed above or an option of your own that fits your special needs. 

My life partner and I have some basic differences of opinion on what to do with our time after retirement. 

Rule 3 If appropriate, work out a plan that will be best for you and your life partner. 

Better home life. You appreciate home more when you are not there so much. Working provides more freedom for your life partner. 

Start from the middle and work to the outside. If you have a life partner, you and your partner should consider doing one together. If you are alone and have only a few relatives to put into your circle, it will be necessary to build it primarily... 

As you anticipate retirement, it is easy to become preoccupied with your own concerns. However, your retirement will have a profound impact on your life partner. To a lesser degree, other close family members will also be affected. You can moderate this impact through open discussions. Keep family members involved in planning your retirement. Let them know they are not being left out of your plans for the future. Don t hesitate to explore feelings about post-retirement budgets, schedules, where to live, and what to do. Here are some suggestions ... 

To ensure that your time together is positive, discuss the following items with your life partner ... 

Tip 4 Work as a team with your life partner. Two heads are better than one. Should anything happen to one of you, the other is better prepared to take over. 

What do you want out of retirement Do you want to move Do you want to stay where you are for part of the year and spend the rest of the year someplace else Do you plan to travel Do you plan to work either full- or part time In what activities do you plan to engage Do you have a dream place in mind What does your life partner want When you begin by thinking about and discussing these issues, your retirement location decision will be easier. The basic message is Plan around the activities and lifestyle you wish to pursue in retirement and make sure the location you choose will support them. 

Those with life partners may need two living options. One option is as a two-member team, another as a single person should one lose her or his partner. 

Continue to weigh and decide until you have chosen your five most important considerations. Once accomplished, satisfying these desires will help you make choices within your comfort zone. In doing this, it is strongly recommended that life partners make their choices independently so they can be matched and discussed later. 

If you have a life partner, work independently so you match and discuss results later. This can be fun and sometimes revealing ... 

Only you know your comfort zones. Compromises should be minor and then only between life partners. Keep in mind that there is no perfect living environment. All possibilities have advantages and disadvantages. 

Do not permit anyone to overly influence you in any direction. It may be your toughest retirement decision, so satisfy yourself. If you have a life partner, do all of your research together until you reach the best possible solution. 

There are three parts to the exercise ranking your activity preferences, constructing and interpreting your personal profile, and comparing your profile with others—especially a life partner or friend. Complete one step at a time please do not jump ahead. 

Life partners and friends can discover, through a comparison of their individual profiles, that they share interests they were not aware existed. One wife learned her husband had a higher social interest than she anticipated with his involvement, she initiated more social situations. A husband learned his wife showed higher interest in outdoor activities than he had imagined. After some discussion, they purchased a camper and enjoyed some great trips together. 

Some retirement activities need to be shared more than others. It is difficult when one person likes to travel but the other does not or when one person likes to go out socially and the other prefers solitude. In these situations, some give and take is necessary. When each person gives a little, good things often happen. Many an individual, through encouragement from a life partner, discovers the joys of social activity or the outdoors. One party learns from the other. When this happens, both individuals come out ahead. 

Follow-up creates an effective way to prod yourself to action. If you have a life partner, include your partner in your review and follow-up. 

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