Children divorce

Block, J. H., Block, J., Gjerde, P. S. (1986). The personality of children prior to divorce A prospective study. Child Development, 57, 827-840. 

At the time of the study, approximately half of the interviewees were married, and one in five was divorced. Women were more likely than men to have never married. On average, for those who had children, the first child was bom when the chemist was age 31 and most tended to have a second child. Although 80% cited some religious affiliation, mostly Protestant, a number reported no religious affiliation. 

We were married the way one is usually married, but it didn t take because 1 saw that marriage was as boring as anything else. 1 was really much more of a bachelor [plus celibataire] than 1 thought. So, after six months, my wife very kindly agreed to a divorce. Having no child, she asked for no alimony, so it happened as simply as possible. Then she remarried and did have children. ... 

Over 50% of Americans who currently drink report having a close relative who abuses alcohol 25% are children of an alcoholic parent. Alcohol abuse can devastate families by causing separation, divorce, and domestic violence, as well child abuse and neglect. Six million children live with an alcohol-abusing parent, and this can result in problems at school such as low attendance, academic difficulties, attention deficit disorders, and behavioral problems. Each year in America, more than 100,000 people die from alcohol-related accidents (cars, falls, fires, drownings, burns), cancer, liver disease, and stroke. 

Parents are not the only ones responsible for the increase in Ritalin use. In some cases, schools will not allow children diagnosed with ADHD into the classroom if they are not on Ritalin. In the case of divorced parents, one court reportedly took custody away from a father because he would not agree to give Ritalin to his child. 

Job productivity suffers because of the impact poor personal financial behaviors have on family fife (Garman, Leech, and Grable, 1996). For example, poor personal financial decisions may lead to loss of transportation, loss of the ability to obtain credit and adequate housing, arguments with relatives, emotional stress, spouse/child abuse, and divorce. These decisions manifest in dysfunctional work behaviors such as absenteeism, tardiness, and reduced job productivity. Table 19-1 summarizes the potential costs associated with poor employee financial behaviors. 

I married during my last year in Berkeley, in 1941, and my first wife and I had a child, Linda. We were divorced about three years later. I remarried in 1952, and Mary brought one daughter, Marianna, into the family and we have two sons, Karl and Heinrich. My given name was actually Heinrich. I m so grateful that none of my children followed my profession because it s a no-win situation if they re better than you, it can be a bit of a problem, and if they are worse than you, it s terrible. 

Divorced parents of an only child need to distinguish between responsible guilt and compensatory guilt, or else the latter may cause them to forsake making healthy demands for responsibility and setting healthy limits over freedom. 

Compensatory guilt is of the lasting kind. It exacts ongoing tribute from divorced parents who feel they must continue to punish themselves and continue to make special reparation to the child for the damage they have done. Unhappily,... 

In the United States today, an only child, no matter how beloved, is not exempt from a harsh statistic about one half of all marriages with children end in divorce. Because he or she is so tightly bonded to parents and is usually such an integral part of their marriage, parental divorce is particularly painful for an only child. Not only is the world of family broken apart, the only child feels additionally torn by opposing loyalties to parents who are in conflict with each other. 

Unanswerable questions can torment the only child. Which parent is at fault Which parent s version of what caused the divorce is true Whose side should the child take Is there something the child can do to reunify the parents How can he or she equally divide time and attention given to each parent after divorce so neither feels that the child is playing favorites or is being unfair ... 

There are a number of actions that parents can take to help ease, but not eliminate, their only child s painful journey through their divorce. 

If possible, jointly announce the decision to divorce to the child to show that although ending their marital connection to each other, both parents remain committed to working together for the future welfare of the child. 

Encourage the child to ask any questions about the divorce and the future, answering them as honestly as possible given the child s level of maturity to understand. Information helps reduce fear of the unknown. 

Commit to listen to some emotional protest (expressions of fear, anger, suffering, and helplessness) from the child in response to the divorce. 

Be prepared for some short-term lowering of academic motivation and performance at school as a function of emotional interference in the child s capacity to concentrate and study. Supervise schoolwork, but be sensitive to how the divorce is drawing off a lot of the child s energy as he or she dally struggles to adjust to divided family life. 

Do not depend on the child for emotional support, but exercise adult responsibility to provide emotional support for the child. If possible, provide an outside helperfamily friend, extended family member, or counselorwho assumes special status in the child s life for the first year or so after divorce to be a confidential companion with whom private thoughts and feelings can be safely shared. 

What if parents of an only child cannot emotionally reconcile their grievances against each other after the divorce The best answer to this hard question is to ask both parents a harder one "Do you love to hate each other more than you love your child "... 

Parents who refuse to come to terms of emotional acceptance with their divorce and continue to support mutual animosity, are placing their mutual grievances over their concern for the emotional well-being of their son or daughter. In doing so, it might be helpful for them to count the costs of this decision for their only child. 

When a divorced parent of an only child remarries, are there any special problems for the child that the couple should anticipate ... 

Yes. Typically, after divorce, the only child re-bonds to each parent to compensate for family security that has been lost. In the process, when the child s primary residence is with the mother, for example, the boy or girl may come to occupy a powerful, quasi-adult family role"man of the house" to the mother if a son, or mother s "best friend" if a daughter. 

Some areas of government operations not already mentioned, such as child and spouse protection, and family courts handling divorce and custody of children, can provoke strong feelings, which may be taken out on staff. 

The administration of time limits also poses challenges in defining recipients. If a family unit consisting of a mother, a father, and one child receives assistance for two years and then the couple is divorced and each remarries, do the new family units each count as having been on welfare for two years Does the one with the child Do neither What if a mother and her children are on welfare and then the mother dies or relinquishes the care of the children to a grandmother. Does the grandmother start a new entidement allotment The variations on the theme are nearly endless, but they are not only of academic interest, as family and household structures are fluid in many societies and often more so in low-income strata. 

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