Responsible guilt

Divorced parents of an only child need to distinguish between responsible guilt and compensatory guilt, or else the latter may cause them to forsake making healthy demands for responsibility and setting healthy limits over freedom. 

The conditions at Auschwitz were so horrible that it is utterly incredible to conclude that they were unknown to the defendants, the principal corporate directors, who were responsible for Farben s connection with the project.. . . The extreme cold, the inadequacy of the food, the rigorous nature of the work, the cruel treatment of the workers by their supervisors, combine to present a picture of horror which, I am convinced, has not been at all overdrawn by the prosecution and which is fully sustained by the evidence.. . . The defendants, members of the Vorstand, cannot, in my opinion, avoid sharing a large part of the guilt for these numberless crimes agamst humanity. 

Abstinence-violation effect (AVE). The response of feeling shame, guilt, and hopelessness that clients often have following a lapse after a period of abstinence. 

And what I think feels even worse, is because you have the guilt that it s your child that s caused this... It s like because you feel responsible. 

In patients receiving antidepressants for acute major depression, the initial therapeutic response is often delayed by several weeks. Patients with severe anxiety or insomnia may benefit from the concurrent, time-limited use of a benzodiazepine or short-acting hypnotic (Chapter 3). A patient may initially experience a return of energy and motivation while still having feelings of hopelessness and excessive guilt. Such patients may be at an increased risk for suicide because a return of energy in an extremely dysphoric individual may provide the impetus and means for an act of self-destruction. 

In most humans in most contemporary societies, the quick and dirty path is relatively unimportant. Success and survival do not turn heavily on split-second decisions. Instead, decisions and the concomitant emotions depend crucially on prior cognitive processing of the situation. In animals other than humans, it is often difficult to decide whether what looks like an emotional reaction is triggered by a mental representation of the situation or whether it is merely a learned response. The apparent guilt of the dog that has shredded the newspaper in its owner s absence may simply be a conditioned fear of punishment, since the same response is produced when the owner himself shreds the newspaper and leaves it on the floor (Vollmer 1977). 

Three insecurities can bedevil a young person at this departure point from doubt, from confusion, and from guilt. In response, parents need to beware their feelings of ambivalence at this trying time and avoid giving double messages that can place the late adolescent in a painful bind. 

When a hard problem like substance abuse or addiction is allowed to blur boundaries of individual responsibility in family relationships, then effective action is almost impossible to take. Two sources of great confusion in this situation are usually blame and guilt. The substance-abusing child often blames parents rather than take responsibility the guilty parents often blame themselves rather than hold the child accountable. 

Suffering. Acting hurt or crying, a child can soften up a parent who is vulnerable to feelings of guilt. "I hate feeling responsible for my child s unhappiness."... 

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