Beware of bias

Every conversation you have with someone is biased by prejudice or prejudgment filters— in yourself and within the other person. You cannot get around it. From personal experience, people develop opinions and attitudes and these, in turn, influence subsequent experience. With regard to interpersonal conversation, we have subjective prejudgment filters that influence what words we hear, how we interpret those words, and what we say in response to those words. In Chapter 5,1 referred to this bias as premature cognitive commitment (Langer, 1989). Every conversation influences how we process and interpret the next conversation. 

It is probably impossible to escape completely the impact of this premature bias in our conversations, but we can exert some control. Actually, each of the conversation strategies discussed here is helpful. For example, the nondirective approach attempts to overcome this bias by listening actively and asking questions before giving instruction. With this approach, a person s biasing filters can be identified and considered in the customization of a plan for corrective action. 

Certain words or phrases in a conversation can be helpful in diminishing the impact of prejudice filter. For example, when you say as you know before giving behavior-based advice, you are limiting the perception of a personal insult and the possibility of a timeout filter. By asking people for their input up front, you reduce the likelihood they will later tune you out. It is the principle of reciprocity (Cialdini, 1993). By listening first, you increase the odds the other person will listen to you without a tune-out filter. 

In the same vein, do not letyoiu prejudices about a speaker limit what you hear. Do you ever listen less closely to certain individuals, perhaps because the person seldom has anything useful to say or because you think you can predict what he will say If so, you have let your past conversations with this individual bias future conversation. Becoming aware of this stuck-in-the-past prejudice can enable more active, even proactive, listening. 

Do not let the speaker limit what you hear. Tell yoiuself you are not listening to someone, rather you are listening/or something (Krisco, 1997). You are not listening reactively to confirm a prejudice—you are listening proactively for possibilities. 

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