Anger Types Never Satisfied

Rick had already seen and rejected nearly a dozen therapists, most of them within the first session. His list of complaints against them was endless They didn t listen well, failed to take his problems seriously enough, charged too much money, offered gimmicky suggestions. Rick found reasons to reject each of his therapists as easily as he rejected almost everyone else in his life. In fact, he was about to leave his current therapist—the one who had recommended him to me—although he had been seeing him for only a few months. 

Rick was attached to his small self—so strongly attached to it that he wore it like a second skin Unlike Joe, he wasn t concerned with insufficiency but with inadequacy, so that his mind was completely caught up in seeing what was wrong with everything. Rick was a prime example of the judging mind, the mind that continually criticizes and rejects what is. Whereas the what-if mind sees the world in terms of what it wants y the judging mind looks for what it dislikes and can reject. 

Likewise, Anger types might not realize their own stake in the judgments they make. It was far easier for Rick to say something like She s way too insistent about that topic, or Doesn t she see how wrong she is than to pause and reflect, That topic really pushes my buttons or I feel very strongly about that issue.  

As I ve worked with Anger types over the years. I m struck by how quick they are to blame others—and how unaware they can be about their own role in conflicts. Rick, as we ve seen, is a prime example, but my patient Joanne was another. Joanne was a woman in her early fifties who had founded her own small business nearly twenty years earlier. She consulted me for some executive coaching sessions because she was frustrated by the way she kept losing employees. She could always find good people, she told me, but just as she got them trained and up to speed, they seemed to leave, despite the excellent salaries she was paying and the good benefits she was offering as well. 

I was surprised to hear Joanne s complaints because I d actually known her by reputation before she ever came to see me. By all accounts, she was a brilliant woman who had built her company from the ground up and was still involved in all aspects of her business. She was energetic, creative, and hard-driving—all considered desirable traits for the American entrepreneur. It wasn t in Joanne s nature to look to her- 

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